


I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright

by bibliophile357



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, M/M, Retirement, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 16:46:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7626304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bibliophile357/pseuds/bibliophile357
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m out.”<br/>Basti’s voice was raspy and just a mere whisper, but it was enough for Lukas to understand him entirely.<br/>“I know,” Lukas breathed and he really knew and that was the only reason why he could still hold on to the shambles of his composure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright

**Author's Note:**

> Basti retired and even if it seems to be the only logical choice and even if I thought that I was prepared for it... well, I wasn't. So this fic thing happened.

 

 

They barely spoke during dinner.

It was just the ear-shattering clashing of cutleries against each other. A soft clink as Basti’s unsteady hands trembled and the wine bottle crashed into the glass. Besides that, nothing.

There were times when Lukas would have tried to dissolve the choking silence and there were times when after that Basti would have unclenched his hands from the tight grip and he would have smiled like nothing has happened. But what Lukas saw in Basti’s eyes made him want to cry and all the indescribable emotions were woven into the lump building up in his throat.

Lukas stood up and the sound of the chair leg screeching on the tile filled the kitchen. Basti winced and Lukas lightly touched his strained shoulders while he took the plates to the dishwasher. Then he did the same with their empty glasses and he was somehow drawn again to Basti, fingers brushing through the messy silver-gold hair. When there was nothing left to put away, Lukas stopped behind him, so close that he could almost feel the tension radiating from his body.

“I’m out.”

Basti’s voice was raspy and just a mere whisper, but it was enough for Lukas to understand him entirely. And he has known it since the final whistle of that awful match against France. Or maybe even before that, when they woke up in the morning after their arrival in Evian and Basti needed a lot of time to get himself together and put on the mask of the strong captain he had to be.

“I know,” Lukas breathed and he really _knew_ and that was the only reason why he could still hold on to the shambles of his composure.

So he took a deep breath once, twice and closed his eyes for a second.

“Let’s do something,” he said and grabbed Basti’s incredibly cold hands that were frantically squeezing the fabric of his t-shirt. Basti looked him bewildered, but the emotion was gone in a matter of seconds and Lukas hated seeing all that emptiness in the place of the familiar warmth. He hated that Bastian broke eye contact, because he almost never did so.

Basti was the one who came up with the idea that they were perfect for each other, Lukas having bright blue, morning sky coloured eyes and him having greenish-brownish ones, the shade of blinding sunlight piercing through leaves. Sky and earth, Lukas made him fly and he kept him on the ground in return.

“Hey, look at me,” Lukas murmured and continued stroking Basti’s palm with his thumb, drawing small calming circles, slowly warming up the icy skin.

“I’m going to get a big blanket and a few pillows and we’ll go out.”

When Lukas returned with the first blanket he found in the house and a bunch of coloured pillows Basti was still sitting in the same position, shoulders sunken, the weight of twelve years crushing him.

“What do you want, Lukas?” he sounded weary and he looked older than ever before.

Lukas was not that sure about his idea anymore, but he really wanted to make Basti forget for a while about the things he was going through. He would have accepted it gladly if Basti got mad at him because of his plan, even anger was better than hopelessness.

“I’d like to watch the stars with you,” Lukas carefully inspected Basti’s features, but there was nothing and he almost let himself collapse, it hurt so fucking much to see him so lost. “Would you like to?” he asked instead of bursting out in tears and thank God, Basti nodded.

It was a slight, a very very tiny motion of his head, but it gave Lukas the strength to smile. Just a weak ghost smile, but Basti stood up and even though he didn’t say anything and he wasn’t able to straighten his back, there was some life coming back to his eyes.

They lay down on the freshly mown grass in silence and Lukas covered themselves with the blanket, it was getting chilly and Basti was always cold.

They stayed motionless for a while, Basti’s eyes fixed on the starry sky and Lukas intently watching as his chest delicately raised and fell with every breath taken. There were no shooting stars.

Lukas shifted a bit to get his back comfortable and sat up for a second to stretch out his numb arms. Basti immediately started shivering as their bodies weren’t pressed so close to each other and Lukas’ heart skipped a beat when Basti reached after him and pulled him back closer.

Lukas lay back down and embraced him, his hold probably too tight, but he was afraid to let Basti go and to face anything from the outside of their perfectly built little world. He rested his head on Basti’s chest and it was the millionth time he did so, yet it never seemed to be a matter of life and death as it felt under the endless dark sky.

The shuddering gradually disappeared and Lukas exhaled sharply when Basti began to play with the short hairs on his nape, the gentle touches making his love for Basti even more intense. He buried his face close to Basti’s heart and it was an offering for him, the exposed skin of the back of his neck opening up everything. Lukas was vulnerable and he would have gladly let Basti take control.

“You don’t even see the stars,” Lukas felt every word resonate through their bodies and he squeezed his eyes shut because of the sudden burst of joy caused by Basti talking with a voice a little less grey.

“You’re more important,” he whispered and Basti’s hands froze. Then there was some twisting and turning and Lukas didn’t want to open his eyes, afraid to see Basti leave.

But he was not leaving, _oh_ _no_ , Basti tried to find the perfect angle to kiss him, and as soon as Lukas realized it, he climbed entirely on Bastian to make the kiss happen easier.

There was almost no distance between their lips and Lukas patiently waited for Basti to make the first step, to close the gap. At first it was only dry lips exploring each other, it was more like an attempt to convince themselves that no matter what was happening around them, they could always find comfort in being together. Basti took Lukas’ cheeks in his hands and he muttered a thank you in their deepening kiss.

They clung to the well-known sensation of their bodies moving as one, the familiar taste of each other behind the faint aroma of the wine. Lukas broke the kiss until he untangled Basti from the blanket and he was on him again, lips crashing and he was not sure if he tasted his blood or Basti’s.

He was grinding desperately against Bastian, who let one of his hands wander under Lukas’ shirt, stroking the tightening muscles, blunt nails marking the sensitive skin in a beautifully aching way. The other hand was still covering Lukas’ cheek because he needed it so hard to remind himself that Lukas was always there. And now Lukas was the one who kept Basti on the ground, and he rolled his hips faster and faster, just to make Basti’s breath shaky and movements less smooth.

Lukas looked straight into Basti’s darkening eyes as he wandered around the hem of his pants with his right hand. He could see Basti’s dilated pupils when his fingers sneaked under his underwear, the abrupt pause in their kiss as skin touched skin.

They continued the hasty kiss while Lukas found the right pace and rhythm to move his hands and make Basti fly and forget.

He pressed open-mouthed kisses on Basti’s pale neck, feeling the erratic breaths under his lips. Lukas bit down on the soft part where the line of Basti’s neck melted into his collarbone and he stroked him firmer at the same time.

Basti let out a choked sob and drew Lukas even closer and kissed him hard to silence his own moans as the whole world whitened out around him, and only Lukas was there and their salty, tear-tasting kiss.

Basti didn’t know when he started crying, he only realized it when Lukas delicately wiped away the tears from his face, so gentle and sweet as if it was the bruise and blood from Rio under his eyes, and not the tears of twelve years.

Lukas covered themselves with the blanket previously thrown away and he remained sprawled across Basti, keeping him warm and caressing his cheeks with his clean hand.

Their silence didn’t seem to strangle them anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, comments, I appreciate any kind of feedback <3


End file.
